Why Do I Hate My Body? A Somatic Reframe of Body Image
For some people, there is a pervasive undercurrent to their existence.
Glances in the mirror that turn into scrutiny.
Photos that linger a little too long and become the subject of rumination.
Quiet calculations about how much space your body is taking up in a room, comparing it to the other bodies it shares space with.
For others, it’s more intermittent: something that flares in certain moments - when getting dressed, sitting down to eat, or being seen.
But underneath all of this, there’s a familiar feeling: that your body is a problem.
When the Body Becomes Something to Manage
Over time, this feeling can start to organise how you relate to yourself.
The body becomes something to monitor, adjust, to get right. There’s an overwhelming sense that things would be easier - lighter, safer, more settled - if your body were different in some way, perhaps even every way.
And slowly your entire life orients toward changing it, controlling it, or at the very least, keeping a close eye on it.
And even when those efforts aren’t constant, the orientation can remain, a sort of background vigilance, that never fully rests.
A Culture That Teaches You to Look at Yourself From the Outside
This doesn’t happen in isolation - we are relentlessly bombarded with messages about bodies - what they should look like, how they should behave, what they mean.
Messages constantly pulling you to view yourself from the outside and assess, compare, and evaluate the degree to which your body stacks up.
In this environment, it becomes almost impossible to maintain a sense of what it feels like to be a body. Instead, our primary experience of our body is how it looks from the outside, leaving very little space for how it feels to live inside it, or even what the body might be responding to beneath the surface.
Which is where something like body image and the nervous system starts to come into view.
Not as an abstract concept - but as lived experience.
When the Body Is Trying to Find Safety
It is rare these days, to find souls who have a somewhat neutral relationship with their body. For the vast majority, during our time inhabiting our bodies, there have been moments of scrutiny, or exposure, or of not feeling safe being seen in our body, or perhaps quieter experiences where something about the body has felt like it needed to be managed in order to belong.
And so, because our systems are excellent survivalists, they adapt, by relating to the body as if it is an object to shape, reduce, or control - not out vanity, but as a way of navigating the world. A body that can be controlled holds the promise of safety, predictability, acceptance - a sense of this might help me feel more okay.
When we look at things from this perspective, the question becomes what has your body been trying to do for me? instead of what is wrong with my body?
Not a Broken Relationship - Just One That Formed Under Pressure
And in turn, the experience of body image begins to look a little different… rather than something that feels like a personal failure or something to fix, we can begin to see it as a relationship that has formed under certain conditions, where safety, belonging, or ease didn’t always feel guaranteed.
I want to offer that the way you’ve learned to relate to your body, even if it is the source of immense pain right now, makes a a lot of sense when seen in context.
What might it feel like to let go of the need to force body love, or demand radical body acceptance, and instead simply recognise that this relationship didn’t come out of nowhere. It formed, slowly, over time. And like any relationship, it can be understood, before it is asked to change.
IF YOU WANT TO KEEP EXPLORING...The Body Remembers - on how trauma shapes your relationship with food
Why Your Body Feels Out of Control Around Food - on why eating can feel chaotic or overwhelming
Why You Restrict Food (Even When You Don’t Want To) - on restriction and the deeper pull towards control